Random Thoughts

 

sometimes I feel so grateful for everything I have , Like every single thing.
For the air I breath , for my family & friends , for my job , for having enough money , and for the person I have become.

other times I feel completely the opposite , I hate every single thing , and I feel unsatisfied like this whole world isn't enough for me , I always want more.

Sometimes I feel like I'm a whole , I'm perfect , I'm totally complete person who's so damn confident and nothing on earth could defeat me.

other times I feel so weak , so incomplete , and so needy that I just want a shoulder to cry on , and maybe some magic power to solve all my problems to make all these feelings fade away.

most of times I'm switching frequently between the two moods , it's like pulses flow in my blood coming from my heart and sometimes my heart beats so fast because it can't keep up with these mood swings anymore.

well .. I'm a Gemini, I keep telling myself maybe this is the reason I'm always on roller coaster mood.

but deep down I know it's not because of that.

Many years ago I made the hardest promise to myself , I promised that there are couple of bad feelings I won't allow myself to feel them again ! Like never ! 

So I became overprotective that most of times I don't allow myself to go through any thing that has a slight chance of getting hurt... I simply walk away and run before even putting a step in.

I always overthink and over analyze situations that I never take any step unless I know 99% that it would probably work.

I'm so picky in everything I do , that's why I'm proud of making the good choices lately and it's paying back.

but the problem is ... I miss acting like a fool !     

jumping in the cold water without counting each and every step.

getting my heart broken but keeping the good memories and living special moments.

now everything just seems like Still water ,,, No waves  ,,, No winds ,,, No noise ,,, nothing but emptiness !